This afternoon my sons were watching the movie ‘The Incredibles’. My favorite scene is when one of the retired superheroes asks his wife where to find his super suit. She responds evasively leading him to a final exasperated appeal, “We’re talking about the greater good!” I love her answer: “Greater good? I am your wife! I am the greatest good you are ever going to get!” I realized today that my love for this scene goes beyond it being a very humorously performed scene. The reason I love it is because of her point. He is planning on ditching their evening together to serve the community without consulting her at all. Despite the urgency and the clear gravity of the situation (I mean, come on, a killer robot is destroying the city), he is losing perspective of what is really important. His community may need him and leaving his family to serve them may be ‘the greater good’, but his wife is, in fact, ‘the greatest good’ he will ever get. Being her husband is his highest calling after loving God, and everything else must take lower priorities-even when duty calls.

The reverse is true as well. Actually, I was pondering all of this as another scene from the movie came up that caught my attention. It is when the main characters, Mr. Incredible and Elasti-Girl, arrive to fight the killer robot and he attempts to leave her behind in order to keep her safe. Her response is “You are my husband and I go with you.” I love it. She is choosing him in that moment. She is supporting his efforts for ‘the greater good’ rather than feeling passed over because she is part of the process.

In real life, we aren’t superheroes fighting killer robots for the greater good, but we are still choosing other things that we have deemed important over our spouses way more often than is good for our marriages. The things that we are choosing are usually really good things: work, children, church, family. The things that we are choosing are sometimes things that can’t be done with our spouse. The point isn’t whether your spouse is there with you as you do these things. The choosing comes in your manner of thinking.

When you consider accepting a request, taking on another obligation, or signing up for a project, do you first think about the people asking or about yourself or about your family or about your spouse? In my humble opinion, I say that it should be your spouse. It goes without saying that I will think about myself, at least as far as my availability and interest in the situation, but if I am ‘one’ with my husband then he should be right there in that consideration. I will be thinking in terms of ‘we’ instead of just in ‘me’. It doesn’t matter the significance of the request, even if it would be in service of the ‘the greater good’, I need to remember that my spouse is ‘the greatest good’ I am ever going to get and choose him above anything else.