Monthly Archives: April 2010

Faith, General

The Only Ghost That’s Real

Growing up, whenever kids would gather together to tell ghost stories, there was always this girl that would say, “The only ghost that’s real is the Holy Ghost. And it’s okay because he’s good.”

I don’t know if ghosts are real or not, but she was right, the Holy Ghost is good. He is good because he is our connection to the Father. Most people don’t understand what role in the Trinity he actually plays, let alone what significance he holds for their faith walk. But, the truth is that he means everything to our faith walk.

Jesus described the Holy Spirit as an Advocate, a Counselor, and a Guide. He said that it was for our good that he ascended to heaven so that the Spirit could come to us. This is the very Spirit of God dwelling inside of us; here to help by advocating, counseling, guiding, and growing us. Without the Holy Spirit, our faith walk would meander. We’d get lost among the bracken and the brambles. We’d be without a spiritual light in the world, left in the dark to stumble over things we cannot see.

The Holy Spirit is God within us, our own divine spark to light our paths. Sometimes we don’t give the Holy Spirit credit for the light we see or we ignore the light that is there. More often than not though, we just get frustrated with the amount of light we are given. We want a big spotlight that illuminates the whole pathway so we know what to expect rather than the quarter-mile or so that we are able to see.  But, that’s not how a guide operates.

A guide is supposed to accompany you on a journey, not give you a map and wish you luck. A guide points out both wonderful things to see and dangers to avoid. He tells you what is coming up in the immediate future, but doesn’t bog you down with all the steps between your present location and your eventual destination. If you were given all the steps at once (if you had that big spotlight), you would either become intimidated by what’s coming or find a shortcut and bypass the preparatory experiences that make you ready for the final destination. The Holy Spirit is your guide. How are you at trusting him as such?

I know that it can be tricky to follow a Ghost, but when you look for him you will find him. He is right there inside of you. He wants to guide you into all truth, to guide you to the Father. He wants to show you how to live life to the fullest; pointing out all the good things that life has to offer. Just be ready for the preparatory steps required to get to those good things. Keep trusting your Ghost-guide. This is one Ghost that will not disappear on you and will never steer you wrong because this Ghost is good.

Family

Journey to the Center of a Child’s Mind

One of my favorite pasttimes is watching my kids interact with their environment. It is fascinating to see what draws their attention, what furrows their brow, what brings forth a smile or a chuckle, what causes their bottom lip to pucker up. It’s hard to imagine how a small child’s mind processes and interprets all the stimuli they experience every day.

But, that’s just the enjoyable side of my musings. I often have the same sentiment in response to their negative behavior. I see the toothpaste that my son dispensed all over his room and wonder, ‘What was he thinking?’ I witness my two-year old kicking sand in a little girl’s eyes and cannot figure out why that seemed like a thing to do.

While some of these things bring a smile to my face, other things bring a snarl. I see what they are doing and interpret it in my adult mind and pass judgment as to whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. If I don’t understand and cannot relate to what they are doing, then I end up assigning it a ridiculous score. This score is expressed in the volume and tone of my voice. If it is mildly ridiculous, like my son’s rearrangement of my cooking utensils, then he receives a low volume, annoyed tone. If it is highly ridiculous, like my other son’s decision to crawl through the doggie door to the garage and then open the garage door, then he receives a high volume, irate tone. Unfortunately, this system isn’t very effective in actually teaching my children anything about decision-making and responsibility; just in achieving various scores on mommy’s ridiculous meter.

I know this doesn’t work. But to do anything differently, I need to start with how I interpret my children’s behavior. Taking a moment and realizing the disservice that I am doing to my children by jumping to conclusions and then being confident in my knee-jerk assessment is earth-shaking. It dissipates my anger and makes me wonder how else I could react to the things my children do.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I will never find toothpaste in my carpet something to smile about. Nor will I chuckle as my son kicks sand in a poor girl’s eyes. But perhaps I don’t need to lose my cool either. Perhaps I don’t need to assume that because I wouldn’t do it and I would prefer they not do it, that my children share in my adult reasoning. Perhaps I can regard them as the children they are and with the child brains they have.

From this space, I can remain calm. From this understanding, I can find common ground. From this perspective, I can find empathy. And empathy makes all the difference in whether my parenting is authoritative or authoritarian. Many of us had the authoritarian parent, maybe you referred to them as a bully, a dictator, or just a mean ol’ jerk, but you know this kind of parent. This parent jumps to conclusions, won’t listen to your point of view, believes their way is the right way no matter what, and expects you to jump when told to jump (don’t even consider asking how high because questioning is disrespectful). And it leads to a child’s rebellion. Whether it be overt or covert, rebellion is still rebellion. It is defiance and resistance and rejection of all that the other person says and does.

I don’ t want that for my child. I don’t want to be that type of parent. So, what to do? Swing to the middle of the parenting styles and aim for authoritative. It is balancing having a relationship with my child and having boundaries, rules and discipline. It is being a loving authority figure. It is following in the parenting footsteps of our own Heavenly Father. If I can tap into the empathy, I may be able to understand somewhat where my child is coming from, how that way might be errant, and how I can influence my child’s reasoning and behavior rather than just shutting them down in a judgmental or angry fashion.

So, instead of losing it when I find the toothpaste art, I can see how a 4-year old might find it fun to use this blue gel as finger paint to add color to his room, and from this place do some teaching on the drawbacks of this activity, some appropriate alternatives, and on how to clean up toothpaste from multiple surface types. All are valuable life skills that I would have short-circuited with my knee-jerk, top-of-my-lungs, snarly-faced, “What were you thinking?!” My goal now is to take a trip through a child’s mind and see how my adult mind can coach it into the reasoning skills that he will need to be a successful adult himself.

Family, General, Marriage

Playground Antics

When I was in grade school, there was this one boy (we shall call him Donnie) that was a terror to pretty much everyone, but especially to me. Now, I know you may be thinking that he pulled my hair because he liked me – typical playground antics, right? Wrong. This boy was just a plain old bully and I was a doormat who took it, ’nuff said. But what made me remember this boy is that I see the playground antics that Donnie used to pull on us taking place between adults every single day. Apparently, we don’t outgrow some of those fundamental interpersonal dynamics.

One of the things Donnie used to do that drove everyone crazy and most of the girls to tears was taking away the four-square ball. We would be in the middle of a game and he would either walk through the middle grabbing the ball and taking it with him as he went or he would catch a ball that had gone astray of the court and keep it. Either way, Donnie had our ball – the implement necessary to achieve a fun-filled and satisfying recess experience – and he was not giving it back. He was withholding what we needed to somehow get us to give in to his demands. He would make us beg for it back or act like fools for his amusement or tell him how awesome he was before he would return the ball. There were times when we complied and just went through the motions to get the ball back and there were times when we refused to play his game and everyone ignored him for the rest of the day. Either way, his antics did not work. We were not motivated to authentically meet his needs for attention and acknowledgement by his actions. We either faked it or ignored him.

So, what’s the every day application for us as adults? How does the Donnie experience translate from the playground to the living room? Easy. We all take turns being the Donnie and we all take turns being the upset girls in every relationship we have. We all have a ball of some sort – that implement necessary to achieve a fun-filled and satisfying life experience. For some it may be affection. For others it may be sex. For some it may be conversation. For others it may be receiving help from the other person. It doesn’t matter what your ball is, just know that your ball is; it exists and someone else has it. Hopefully he’s not a Donnie.

And hopefully you aren’t a Donnie either. Of course we all want others to play nice with us when it comes to our ball, but how are you in return? Do you grab the ball and walk away ignoring the fact that you are leaving the other person without their ball? Do you take it and hold it over your head to motivate the other person to meet your demands (like giving you your ball first)? If these tactics don’t work to motivate you to authentically meet their needs, then how do you expect them to work on others? If you don’t want the other person to fake it for you or to flat out ignore you, then you need to do something different.

You must find a way to deal with the Donnie’s in your life and then refrain from being a Donnie to others. If you take nothing else from this week’s message, remember this: You will never motivate another person to meet your needs by withholding theirs. So, keep the playground antics on the playground and be the one to serve the needs of others first.

Faith

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

The revolution about which I speak, the revolution about which I advocate, and the revolution in which I live deeply entrenched was started by a carpenter, turned rabbi, charged criminal from Nazareth from a couple millennium ago. His life, his death, his resurrection changed everything. Utterly. Completely. Without equal.

And that change is still reverberating through history. It is still calling us to choose sides. Will we side with the man that died on the cross and then rose again after 3 days in the tomb? Or will we side with those that rejected him, humiliated him, and crucified him? To quote Joshua 24:15, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” We have chosen our side. We are deeply committed to Jesus.

Everything that Jesus did was revolutionary. God come to Earth in the form of a baby – revolutionary. God living the life of a carpenter in Nazareth, a podunk town from back in the day – revolutionary. A Jew from Galilee teaching with authority, going among tax collectors (aka traitors) and prostitutes, speaking to Samaritan women who have been outcast by her own people, touching lepers, and performing miracles – revolutionary. God allowing himself to be falsely accused, mocked and ridiculed, tortured and abused, sacrificed and killed for the very people perpetrating these vile acts against him – revolutionary. A dead man rising back to life after 3 days proving true every crazy thing he ever said and fulfilling a mind-boggling amount of prophesy before rising up to heaven fully corporeal – revolutionary. God giving his Spirit to live inside and thereby transform those that choose him – revolutionary.

And this revolution was passed on to us – his people, his followers, his believers. We are to follow his example and live by his Spirit. We are to be transformed in our being and our doing. Our faith is revolutionary because we have God living in us. We have a direct connection to our God. Abiding in Christ and living by the Spirit changes everything. It changes how we do marriage. It changes how we raise our kids. It rearranges our priorities and then molds our lives around those priorities. It gives us a different calling and way of living than the rest of the world. That’s what makes it a revolution. It turns everything on its head.

So, now’s the time that you must make your choice. Are you with us or against us? There is no middle ground in this revolution. The two worlds are incompatible. The revolutionary puts others before himself. The revolutionary loves his enemies. The revolutionary gains strength through humility. The revolutionary finds power by surrendering everything to God’s will. The revolutionary seeks rewards that are eternal and often unseen to humanity. The revolutionary has a forever mindset in his faith, in his marriage, and in his parenting.

Sounds crazy, I know. But so did Jesus. It’s why he was crucified by his own people. You may very well be crucified by your own people too; branded a crazy person for joining this revolution. It’s not an easy road. But it’s worth it. This revolution is worth everything – the very price that was paid to start it. The door is open now. The cover charge has been paid. Are you ready to walk through it? Are you ready to join the revolution?