Earlier this week I was blessed to witness a profoundly moving performance that represented what it means to love someone in sickness and in health. There was this one particular moment that really stuck with me. It was when the stronger partner came up behind the ailing one and slipped his feet underneath hers so that he was actually doing the walking for her.

It was a truly poignant moment.

She couldn’t walk on her own anymore and instead of simply picking her up and carrying her, he gave her the use of his feet. That’s what it means to be a partner to someone. You don’t do things for them. You don’t interfere with their individuality or impede on their independence. You lend them your strength. You share with them your resources. You avail yourself in whatever way they need to continue on their own.

Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (ESV)

In Hebrew, the word translated to “lift up” means to stand or arise, not to carry. And, in ancient Israel, to say “woe” was to speak of imminent death.

So King Solomon, the traditionally attributed author to this Old Testament book and the wisest man to have ever lived (except for Jesus), looked at what life is without God and called it meaningless – except when he looked at companionship. He saw virtue in having a partner.

Being alone meant death. Having a companion was a blessing. But, only if that companion was a true partner.

A partner shares in your toil, lifts you up when you have fallen, shares their warmth in the midst of the coldness of life, and sticks with you against all adversaries (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

A pleasant face, a wicked sense of humor, entertaining stories, wealth and resources, a pleasurable touch – these are all companionable features. But to borrow a word from Solomon, they are meaningless if they are not possessed by one who is also capable of being a partner to you.

I believe we have all experienced a betrayal by someone we cared about. A failure to meet expectations in a time of great need. A shortcoming that left you stranded in the midst of great toil, or fallen, or cold, or under attack. We believed this person to be a partner and instead they proved themselves merely a companion.

But isn’t it worse to be this sort of person than it is to have been betrayed by one?

If your betrayal is quite recent, you may be saying ‘no’. However, in the grand scheme of things, who you are is so much more important than who you are with.

Why work so hard at discerning the difference between companion and partner when choosing a spouse or close friend if you cannot reciprocate? I think that would be the deepest betrayal of all. Luring a person of worth into being a partner to you when you cannot or will not be the same for them.

So, I guess my point is that while it is of gravest importance to seek out a true partner for your life because “woe to him who is alone when he falls”, it is even more important to be a true partner yourself. Look inward before you look outward, but keep the same standards in mind for both.