…and I can take you out of it.

How many times have you wanted to say that?

Especially in the face of Defiance. Deception. Disrespect. The three fastest roads to wanting to strangle your kids. Unfortunately, there is no way to totally obliterate the big D’s from our kids. We can only put seat belts, air bags, caution signs, and guard rails on our own behavior to prevent a complete parental meltdown when faced with them.

Let’s face it. Parental meltdowns solve nothing. We say and do things in the extreme. We change the focus from the kid’s bad choice to our mega-outburst. That only teaches kids to avoid setting their parents off, rather than the detriments of continuing in their behavior.

We want to keep the focus on the kid’s choices and the consequences of those choices. We want to provide a learning opportunity that sinks deeper than the epidermis. We want them to succeed in life, not in ducking our wrath.

So, what do we do? Well, time-outs work.

Oh, I mean time-outs for yourself, not your kids.

Seriously. You need to find a way to keep your cool. Losing it will only lose the teaching moment. When you face a situation that leads you down one of those roads to strangulation, put yourself in a time-out by telling your kids that something will be done about their behavior, but not now; you will talk to them later about it.

It’s that easy**.

**By easy, I mean an extreme challenge of your self-control.

Delaying consequences is a great seat belt on your behavior. Mama and Daddy time-outs are great air bags. Use them to give yourself time to breathe deep, re-engage your higher reasoning skills, call in reinforcements for additional opinions about addressing the issue, and to regain your rational, calm self.

Next, watch for your caution signs. One of the caution signs that I have worked to ingrain into my psyche is the question, “Do I want to make him feel bad or do I want to help him succeed?” What would your caution sign to yourself say? What hits home for you? Figure it out and then drill it in. Write it down everywhere. Say it to yourself multiple times a day. Make it your new parenting mantra. Think about it in good times, in irritating times, and in lose-it times. Put one of those blinking yellow lights on the top of it.

After that, you need to locate your guard rails. What will keep you on the straight and narrow? Maybe it’s your spouse. Maybe it’s your mother. Maybe it’s your best friend. Maybe it’s prayer. Who can hold you accountable? Who do you answer to? That is your guard rail. Respect it. Use it. It will help you stay on track to being a more effective parent.

Resolve now to no longer lose it with your kids.

Resolve now what your new response will be to the big D’s.

Resolve now to put on your seat belt, engage your air bags, watch for your caution signs, and respect your guard rails.

You can’t obliterate defiance, deception, and disrespect, but you can go after them with a much more effective game plan than parental meltdowns.