I continue to be caught off guard when people ask how we’ve taken the battle out of eating with our kids after they have noticed how easy mealtime is at my house. So, I’ve decided to write this blog post about it.

Everything we do with our kids comes down to our basic values about parenting. Our overall goal is to raise our kids to be responsible, successful adults who know Jesus intimately.

Applying that to food then, we want them to know how to both enjoy food and to eat responsibly. We want them to have good manners. We want them to have a healthy relationship with food. And, we want them to appreciate food as a gift from the Lord and honor their bodies the way God made them.

Rule #1: Mama is no short-order cook

I make one complete meal, not special meals for each person sitting at the table. They are welcome to take what they want from what I serve. That means that I’m also mindful of everyone’s tastes and try to include something in the meal that I know the kids will eat. But, that doesn’t mean they are off the hook for the rest of the meal. They have to at least try everything that is served with a couple of bites.

My son has been so frequently surprised at how good “weird” things are to him, that recently he told my husband that to “try things is to like them”. I hope that continues to be true for him because one of my goals is to keep expanding his still-developing palate.

Beyond the requirement to taste everything on the plate, we do not require them to eat everything. This is not a “clean your plate” house. I want them to eat until they are satisfied, not until their plate is empty. Now, that means they must eat enough to tide themselves over to breakfast because there is no midnight snacking either. And dessert is always a surprise, not a guarantee. I don’t want them “earning” dessert by eating all of their dinner, although I may keep the surprise for another night if they haven’t eaten very much that night. They just don’t know about it.

Since one of my goals is to teach them how to eat responsibly, I verbalize my decisions about meal planning. I also explain to them why they can’t have another helping of a sugary snack. They understand that there are foods that taste good and are enjoyable for that factor, while there are other foods that are necessary because they make our bodies work correctly. And that it’s a blessing when you find a food that is both! It’s all about balance.

They have juice at breakfast and dinner and water everywhere in between. They get two snacks a day, one of them is fruit or veggies while the other is something a little more lenient in the nutrition area. That second snack could be crackers and cheese, or popcorn, or a handful of cookies, or one of those fruit snacks kids adore. I usually let them choose what they have for snack as long as the morning snack is healthy. (If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m big on offering choices. I’ll blog on that another time, though.)

Breakfast is a cereal of their choosing, although I retain veto rights over the nothing-but-sugar options. Lunchtime is usually a united effort, so they have some choice. Dinnertime, though, is mom’s domain.

As for the rest of our goals for our children’s eating habits, we have a couple of other mealtime rules. First, they must be respectful of their food. That means, no playing with their food. I know that other “experts” may disagree with me, but this fits into our value of teaching gratitude. Which fits into the next rule: we always say grace before eating to acknowledge that it is from God that we receive this food.

The last thing we do is set a time limit if the kids are messing around instead of eating. It goes something like this, “Dinner will be over in 10 minutes, so get what you need to hold you over until breakfast.” Then 10 minutes later, plates are swooped up and dinner is over. That doesn’t mean we rush our kids’ eating. By the time we do this, they have had plenty of time to eat their meal. At this point, they are just messing around. (This is usually where some jaws drop because to some people the thought that their child may go to bed a little hungry is astounding. Guess what? God made your kid’s bodies smarter than that, so they will not let themselves starve. Plus, one night of a grumbling tummy may be a worthwhile lesson.)

I hope that by doing all of this that we will succeed in our goals. I don’t know how it will work out in the long-run, but I do know that our children have good table manners, are grateful for their food, have a basic understanding of eating a balanced diet, don’t fight with us over what is being served, always try everything on their plate, and still eat instinctively**. And that is why people continue to notice how different mealtime is at the Miller’s.

**To learn what I mean about instinctive eating, visit www.amihungry.com.